The Shape of Happiness

SEPTEMBER

For a longish time I saddled up the dream each morning,

With darkness’ fall, I brushed you off my shoulders

Realigning my balance for dreams.

Old man, you are banished

Into your well of no acknowledgement;

In your inability to reveal love, review life.

Pack your suitcase of pretended nonchalance

Put it by the bus stop bench

For your tour of lonely eternity:

But wait! You are not alone!

It only seemed that way.

You dipped eager fingers into my life

Allowed small satisfactions: matches, not candles

Yes, I liked you imperious & you swelled to fill that role —

When slipping into the kitchen to embrace me

Was all you ever needed to do.

OCTOBER

The linking fingers slide apart

Where once was full embrace…

We are a remembrance of recognition

Smoke without mirrors: an irritant.

The road has twisted; I am no longer faint of heart

Nor will I falter in seeking out of your grasp

I forced all my music into one instrument

When I needed a concert hall orchestra.

Divinity is upon me again

Claimed in its embrace, I dare once more to dance.

NOVEMBER

Time to let you go now.

Unlace the dream tied ‘round my wrist

Close my eyes to open them to the new world

Without shadows.

Time to shoulder my pack

Set by the roadside in anticipation

Of traveling with you

We had a picnic for a feast

A day in the life…

A purloined kiss.

The song’s delicious fading

Out of memory, beyond horizons

Many endings, many deaths

From dearth of dreams.

I shake myself, I rouse to reroute the sun

There are new trails I follow now

I am around your shadow & gone.

HOW BLESSED WE ARE

HOW BLESSED WE ARE…

“With too much to eat,” as my dear friend says.

With tryptophan dreams, friends to loudly greet & gently hug, with cheeks to buss, hands to clasp, making a human wreath around a laden table.

How much fortune is ours when love rolls in & out like the tides of change, depositing gifts in shining merriment, or withdrawing everything near & dear with voracious tongues of flame?

How fulfilled our promises kept, to be where we are with those who accept us as we are in this living moment.

Bless us before the food grows cold, these dishes prepared in loving anticipation of sharing. We gather to bask in the anticipation of joy, little & large blessings of friendship & regard. We laugh, even as we are moved by the plight of those with so much less or nothing at all. We who are healthy, whole, in warm spaces with beloved possessions, still reach to those unable to reclaim these. We pray & we promise our prayers.

The whys will not wait, but we will be present today. In the dream of what we do have, in our gratitude, our love for the energy to help others rise from ashes. We love our children & bless our circumstances. We pray back the holy tides of abundance for all as we submerge in Grace.

Eros Landing

EROS LANDING

Let go of me.

I demand this: I am silk & slippery

Without even your touch

I cannot get away

From this hold

One word, one look,

One imperious look

And I am fainting into your arms

Licking your neck

Lower, lower

While the heat crawls upward

At levels I’ve never experienced

Before

At pain

Not pleasure

That I know would be severe

Contractions, brain-wave disturbances

Mighty & sensuous

As silk & slippery

As us is us when us it is

Yes,  you’re a bull, all cock & balls

But what I would do with these

You would never rationally explain…

You will never have experienced

What I plan: what my body has in store for you

Wrapped in my legs

My arms

My tongues loving all over you

Villain! Thief! I cry aloud

But in your arms

These turn to melting moans

O lord, get me out of this cliché

Beyond & farther out that I’ve ever been

And I know how to weave words

Into pleasure; pressure

Pulsing presences

With a depth charge at the center.

But I find traces of you even where you have not been

This life

Explosives

I can only detonate with you

Not hands, not devices…never anything but

Your body, your pulses rocking me into earthquakes

Prising the continental plates of me

It would be as no other ever has been

Why now? why me? What circle of hell

Would you have me walk along the edge

To arrive at your smile

What trembling & where next

I am trapped here, tripped there

Scourged by desire

With no edges,  no boundaries,

Nothing other than you

To resolve this

To partner me

To part me in the center

No conversation

No ending of heat

This hum along the perineum

Only the hot friction

Of finally, come take me

Come thrust into me

Come overpower me

But expect no mercy in return

Expect no quarter

For I will match you drop for drop

Sound for sound

Slick & sure & sleek of surface

Now now now now now

You are the clothes I would wear

The songs I hear

The love I may never have

You are heat of a winter night

When I would wake shivering

You are a fire for which I have no quenching

Until you find that in me & take me with you

Over & under you

The stretching into forever

We could interact

The arch that continues into full circle

Under the earth

The body’s rainbow

Needing no grounding

No gold

Only make rain on me

Until I scream out loud

No code words, no stopping

No borders of “ever”

Before or after

Once would never be enough

And a hundred times would stir up only more

Of the same, not even close

Braid me into you

Turning, turning, tugging down everything

That keeps us apart

I hear the sounds of clothes tearing

Infinity inviting divinity invading destiny

Only touch me: I am yours

In such full measure

You will never be hungry again.

While I starve quietly remembering you.

Set me free before it happens

Be the hurricane turned aside

Blowing up the coast & out to sea.

And even as I cry “release me!”

It is a word that goes both ways

Into me & out of you

A word that captures my hands

Erodes my will

Take me into tomorrow

For there is nothing left of today

Without you.

Another cigarette

But nothing tamps this down

Not even flame

Can match what I feel

Skipping the record

To only the beat

A drum hidden in the blood

Begins

When you hold out your hand

When I accept a fate

I have run around the earth to escape

Where does this come from?

What did I do that was so terrible

My fate is to wander, whimpering

Or pour words onto paper

Like some Niagara gathering

From every river on earth

To pour over you

Not cascade, not a rain

But a raw force

That brings boulders

Bouncing in a dance

To rip roots

Gouge the edges

Of the watercourse

Until these emerge

In glory & new earth

Where more waters may flow

O, I would hold you breathless

Conquer you like a country

Heretofore unseen

Uninhabited

Lay down with me & start

Close your eyes to receive

But understand

You will not be who you were

When you rise.

What will I do with you?

Nothing that’s not been done before

Tho not to you, perhaps

There is all of me to use

From breath to breast

With each heartbeat

A new sensation

But in the hard, unheard hereafter

What will you do with me

When I cannot do without you?

So let me go

While we survive

To walk apart

No long looks over shoulders

No blushes, for nothing has happened

Except under the surfaces

We threaten with words

I cannot be more naked

If I wore no clothes at all.