Meditation Return

I understand meditation as a discipline. I find after years of “knowing thyself” that I don’t do discipline well. If it is self-imposed, & on certain topics, yes, it appeals & then I’m kind of ADD about it. I was that way once when I wished to change my life. I sat in morning meditation at a small table, in a jack chair, a single candle & stick of incense lit, a specific theme to revisit.

I had amazing experiences as my cats wound around my knees & begged attention: I was sitting stilll! Why was I not petting them?! Then they would settle & watch. I’m sure my flickering aura was enough to entertain them.

I would stand after reading my prayer, sitting with it awhile, writing on it. I would dress & walk out onto the golf course I lived on, to a specific tree along a fairway. I would dance my Qiqong Five Dao Yin Prescription Exercises there using the tree as focus.

After a year, I left Nashville & headed southwest in a changed vehicle, with my new puppy, camping & finding beaches & taking lunch breaks for odd foods. My adventure.

I plan changes again in about a year, tho the only specific one at this moment is likely leaving Florida & likely returning to New Mexico, but north this time, near Questa Valley.

Recently I was asked about a bucket list & I had nothing to say. Since that gathering, I have revisited all the shoulda/coulda/woulda’s: I want a house of my own, I want a beagle (a beagle?), I want to go on a writer’s retreat & explore doing nothing but writing for hours & days. I want a place to dream in color.

I no longer have the jack chair, so I sit on the Kokopelli pillow. I fold my legs which, later, will take focus & concentration to unfold. I pet my cat who says the very same things: You’re sitting there doing nothing, Pet Me! as she threads around my knees & under the table I am folded in front of. I write bits of prayers & realizations & somehow do not think of breakfast. The Qigong has not yet found a tree although there are hundreds here & I live across a parking lot from a jungled mass of greenery.

My Circle has not yet formed up. The faces are not yet clear. tho some approach to check out the setting. I may need to change shapes from a circle to a star.

As you can see, ironing out needs to occur. But there is a tall palm tree just outside the door & my garden just under the steps. The light breaks the same. The silence invites re-entry. The changes need to be made.

It is time to love change enough to invest in it.

Cha-ching!