Eros Landing

EROS LANDING

Let go of me.

I demand this: I am silk & slippery

Without even your touch

I cannot get away

From this hold

One word, one look,

One imperious look

And I am fainting into your arms

Licking your neck

Lower, lower

While the heat crawls upward

At levels I’ve never experienced

Before

At pain

Not pleasure

That I know would be severe

Contractions, brain-wave disturbances

Mighty & sensuous

As silk & slippery

As us is us when us it is

Yes,  you’re a bull, all cock & balls

But what I would do with these

You would never rationally explain…

You will never have experienced

What I plan: what my body has in store for you

Wrapped in my legs

My arms

My tongues loving all over you

Villain! Thief! I cry aloud

But in your arms

These turn to melting moans

O lord, get me out of this cliché

Beyond & farther out that I’ve ever been

And I know how to weave words

Into pleasure; pressure

Pulsing presences

With a depth charge at the center.

But I find traces of you even where you have not been

This life

Explosives

I can only detonate with you

Not hands, not devices…never anything but

Your body, your pulses rocking me into earthquakes

Prising the continental plates of me

It would be as no other ever has been

Why now? why me? What circle of hell

Would you have me walk along the edge

To arrive at your smile

What trembling & where next

I am trapped here, tripped there

Scourged by desire

With no edges,  no boundaries,

Nothing other than you

To resolve this

To partner me

To part me in the center

No conversation

No ending of heat

This hum along the perineum

Only the hot friction

Of finally, come take me

Come thrust into me

Come overpower me

But expect no mercy in return

Expect no quarter

For I will match you drop for drop

Sound for sound

Slick & sure & sleek of surface

Now now now now now

You are the clothes I would wear

The songs I hear

The love I may never have

You are heat of a winter night

When I would wake shivering

You are a fire for which I have no quenching

Until you find that in me & take me with you

Over & under you

The stretching into forever

We could interact

The arch that continues into full circle

Under the earth

The body’s rainbow

Needing no grounding

No gold

Only make rain on me

Until I scream out loud

No code words, no stopping

No borders of “ever”

Before or after

Once would never be enough

And a hundred times would stir up only more

Of the same, not even close

Braid me into you

Turning, turning, tugging down everything

That keeps us apart

I hear the sounds of clothes tearing

Infinity inviting divinity invading destiny

Only touch me: I am yours

In such full measure

You will never be hungry again.

While I starve quietly remembering you.

Set me free before it happens

Be the hurricane turned aside

Blowing up the coast & out to sea.

And even as I cry “release me!”

It is a word that goes both ways

Into me & out of you

A word that captures my hands

Erodes my will

Take me into tomorrow

For there is nothing left of today

Without you.

Another cigarette

But nothing tamps this down

Not even flame

Can match what I feel

Skipping the record

To only the beat

A drum hidden in the blood

Begins

When you hold out your hand

When I accept a fate

I have run around the earth to escape

Where does this come from?

What did I do that was so terrible

My fate is to wander, whimpering

Or pour words onto paper

Like some Niagara gathering

From every river on earth

To pour over you

Not cascade, not a rain

But a raw force

That brings boulders

Bouncing in a dance

To rip roots

Gouge the edges

Of the watercourse

Until these emerge

In glory & new earth

Where more waters may flow

O, I would hold you breathless

Conquer you like a country

Heretofore unseen

Uninhabited

Lay down with me & start

Close your eyes to receive

But understand

You will not be who you were

When you rise.

What will I do with you?

Nothing that’s not been done before

Tho not to you, perhaps

There is all of me to use

From breath to breast

With each heartbeat

A new sensation

But in the hard, unheard hereafter

What will you do with me

When I cannot do without you?

So let me go

While we survive

To walk apart

No long looks over shoulders

No blushes, for nothing has happened

Except under the surfaces

We threaten with words

I cannot be more naked

If I wore no clothes at all.

 

Once-Love: Time for You to Go

I have a hurricane for a heart, I see it from the space between us.

Counterclockwise / widdershins to time

I would turn the clocks back

And that would be easier than loving you now.

I would halt the sea as the next wave rises

So much simpler than trying not to

Write the words I want to say.

I feel tasered: my energy scatters in all directions;

My heart drums out your name

I stop my ears from answer

You cannot open these connections

You dare not flirt

For I will take you down.

And here, at my level, there are only your hands

My mouth…

And Hunger so strong

It hurts.

I cannot begin to use the words to say

What I feel

For the whole world would fall in love with me.

Swept away & far beyond

Where you have any permission to go.

 

“Ethics? The hell with ethics – it’s my life!

I am calm. I dismiss the whole event out of hand.

Then your name on an email steals across the screen

Like a French kiss.

O God, I have been here before.

No Bollywood maiden, nor even matron

But ringing with tiny bells, rolling my kohl-shaped eyes

Slipping upstairs to the bedroom

Wearing only perfume.

Why you? You unlikely beast of passion

I do not even know your whole name

Only you wear holey sweaters.

And your smile replaces where my heart once dwelt.

You test a sentence on me; I am not sure you mean to say

What I hear. I am not sure I hear

What you say.

In the variation:

Wanting so much of one

The other sets up as pain.

My body is stately now, not shapely.

But every cell remembers passion &

That unremembered is easily created.

Tongues & fingertips – even toes to slide

There is silk here & salt where memory is only love

And I am a Fool beyond the boundary of

All the handbooks for the league of decency

Burnt to ash by the simple casual reply I give.

When I have erased six messages I could not send.

 

Don’t hit reply unless you mean it

You cannot understand how easily I will seduce you with words

Bring you to heel, to your unready knees

Or at least the closest chair

When they give way on you

I worry too much about appearances

When all that is remembered are results

I would create a fountain of you

And eagerly pull this into me

My tight interior, ready hips,

I would dance you into me

So you would not see the slack breasts

Or wrinkled thighs

My musk would be your air

And your breath would catch in wonder

To enter me; the holy of holies

The prize for which gods fought in times Before.

Don’t toy with me, don’t send me cute little words

For you are not my unwed lover

To take me in any fashion

But my own.

Beware the simple sentence

That compounds to loving me

For you will never return with words

To me what I will make you feel

You will touch once

For the burn scar can only remedy

By applications of the same

And yes, this is an almighty ego

Against which you bruise

But I will not be other than I am

To Love.

When with her, the only “lie” is to lie down in opening surrender.

For A Fool Too Wise To Be Foolish

O foolish man

Who cannot accept

The hands of a woman

Looking to heal you

O holy man

Set apart from the rest

Singled out by the surprise

Of unexpected Love.

Were I you, I would find the strength

To mount the dream

Galloping so insistently through

Your benumbed psyche.

I would hold to the pommel of

My hand offered in friendship

And admiration

Even beyond their physical application

Bound only by eternal spirit…

O man in my missing dreams

Glimpsed from the corners of

Tearing eyes

What could have been

Or might have been –

Kept asunder by circumstance

By timing

By opportunities unpresented

Unprecedented,

By promises of another lifetime

Extending into these our now-lives.

I would uncross your arms

Set so firmly over your heart

I would face my face

Shining with blessing for you

Accept what is offered

Although it can never be an all from nothing.

 

O dearest man I touched with all my being

I brushed with my beating/beaten heart

O king of my wondering servitude

I would render with tendresse & laughing joy

Were you only to accept

To the limits we must draw

Within the abilities I have to offer,

For these would delimit you also.

 

O wisest man

To back away from my incendiary

Lust for life lived well

In utter expansion &

Manifest truth

It is to your bald being

A covering so soft

It is to your naked skin

A balm upending the

Hardening of your limbs

In resistance.

 

Choose your boundary lines

Implant them well, that nothing

Can reach you

For this seems what attends you best.

 

I fade outside the vision in your eyes

 

Yet I remain, as said before

A good woman looking for a good man

Who seeks a good woman.

And Fate & Faith will not leave me upended

Fallen from the blessing of your regard.

I will not resume invisibility

As my starting place

I am far too exposed to so many surfaces

To step into any background

You may fashion.

I have seared your closing heart

Too well.

 

You may choose to retreat

To cover that which thrives in lightness

But I will never again

Be who I was

For having known the potential of your love.

 

 

 

Happy Birthday To Me

Today is important, but only to me. Today I begin to explore my 7th decade on the planet. Today I plan to lay down new trails for more serious exploration, to turn away from old pathways that led me into soul’s harm – imaginary pain, taking offense where none was intended, poor habits of health, seeking not the perfection of the moment in the simple ease of drawing breath.

I might ask what I have learned & jot some notes: wordsmithing is a fine art, worthy of paeans of praise, but only in a literate society. It is a far better art to adjust to where the world lives now & dwell there. Yet in the places I cannot bring myself to gather up & enter – the worlds of Facebook & Twitter & Gab – so much energy surges, pulses, quivers upon itself, turning about & racing free. At times, I like the idea of hive mind; but only when applied to flocks of birds turning as one over the face of sunset. Humans need to unite over more than surface stimulus & unity of heartmind is so much more important than the latest line dance. Although I must admit, one might lead to the other.

Recently, I participated in a play called “Beyond A Reasonable Doubt.” it wore so many attributives: but mostly it was a moment of intense focus wherein all my energy applied. It was triumphant, except where it was not, where I took umbrage at my own mind’s seeming incapacity to remember long passages of mono/dialogue. And at others’ seeming inability to recall these as well. I lost my intensity as I reflected personal frustrations outward.

Recently, I took on an office job, thinking a return to a regular paycheck would remedy some immediate financial needs. Yesterday was my last day there, after six weeks. I simply could not relate to it in the way I once did.

Last night I did a 90-minute massage on a woman with self-diagnosed fibromyalgia. It was a barter that her friend offered to grant her ease from constant discomfort. I observe how the world goes around, kindness touching upon gift.

This morning I awake & seek new habits for myself. Once again free from rigorous scheduling. Momentarily, I scheme upon what I need to acquire, the “this n thats” of a life already out of balance financially. I opt instead for choosing new screen savers. From a wide open, sunny beach, I travel to misty mornings with a far dragon lifting wings upon her hill. This would seem a more fitting approximation of status. Comfort needs to rise above need – & a realization that I already am comfortable precedes acquisition. I offer “so help me, God” not as an affirmation of innocence, but as a softening prayer, for I alone am unable to overcome some ideas which need to be removed from the forefront. I need to turn the kaleidoscope one small twist. I choose to be more giving in the light of other’s gifts. None of us can afford largesse in my circles, yet we all practice it assiduously. Hive mind, indeed.

Lest this all seem too heavy for a promising morning to a day of celebration, I offer up a chuckle at how things turn out. The play was a grand success here in town. Word got out that it was good & we had a great audience turnout – a marvel in this half-horse town. I was lauded at a local restaurant with recognition … both a blush a treat! I’m told our play garnered more than any other offered this year by the local community theatre group. It caused rifts – one stagehand took umbrage at being told not to use her cellphone during performance, sitting in the audience. Obvious? But two people quit over it, while another was castigated by a fourth’s unwarranted accusations. More learning. Here, where a hive mind should have united in pleasure of success lay emotional carnage.

And lest this all be too heavy for a September morning where you live, ponder this: it seems to be a custom that the cast gives each other gifts…so because my character complained loud & long about having to wear manacles during the plea bargain session, our director gifted me with fur-lined handcuffs. Yesterday morning, I hid them in three different places before leaving for work; none safe enough from imagined burglars. I cast mind all day about where to pass these on…I’m not one for holding onto anything I cannot use in the immediate (!) nor intend to use in the near future (!). I dare not bring these to any of our local thrift shops…all goods are brought inside & inspected at these. And “re-gifting” them is far beyond my contact list.

From the sublime to the mundane with the stroke of a pen. Guess I can leave them in the packaging for my heirs to ponder when I’m gone. Guess I’ll continue to live well so as not to have this be soon…I can see me blushing from the afterlife!

Be well upon your days, my friends. Rest easy in your minds & hearts. Bring love to every encounter. Never surrender your ideals for less & always be aware how easy it is to fall in love just a little bit every day.

Last Chances Are Seldom That

LAST CHANCES ARE SELDOM THAT

Betimes, I weary of this life, even my own name.

Far horizons sing more clearly every day

Tho I long for them no more.

The trick of the light

Turned to a trickling

After rising oceans

Stole the land I stood upon.

This place is only an awakening

I play at touch while longing for a full contact event.

I flirt when I long to fall & be fallen upon.

I bring forth this love like a treasure found in the junkdrawer.

So long pushed aside looking for a real thing.

There is only potential to be made of

Skin & tactile surface

These imply anticipation, a discovery of imagination…

All I need would be/could be given into Love

I am willing now, to release & relearn

To go public with private passions…

Bring me to the Gate, O Love,

I weigh the latch in hand & lift it free.

I could care less of being found beautiful

I am as you imagined me

Finally, in the state of knowing it so.

The thoughts of others so long imagined

No longer slow me down

Or turn me away.

They travel over me as water over stone

Giving off rainbows.

A quicksilver moment

The prophecies predicted you

But left out so much –

            You’re married

            You’re committed

            You’re entangled

You’re a stranger, really.

These are not up to my undoing.

We are close by circumstance only

Who started it anyway?

So unlike me, yet it must have been.

I am an ever-opening heart.

I am the last to love, an unmarked trail

Full of my own footprints,

Far too familiar from following alone.

The light has changed. I’m in another era

From that last bumbling home.

There’s a mystery as to what could be discovered,

The farthest indelible vista

Of the lover I see reflecting in your eyes.

I feel an impish sense of grace

A dance of infinite energy

Love animates my bones, adds a sparkle here & there

Smooths my skin, manifesting like silvering rain,

I will find you; I will sing you onto the waters where I walk

Upon your thoughts

I am always ahead of you…waiting

The trips & triggers of clandestine love

Surround me, a deepening mystery

Of which I shall not speak.

A white flash of light in closed eyes

Turns my sleeping head to you

I walk with my heart in both hands

This simple single offering to you.

Come to me

Remove the layers of obligation

Like overheating wool

Your heart is stiff with scars

I will make whole.

Offer me but a passing glance

A ticklish whimsy

My heart will do the rest

Take me at my words, this austere truth

Gone lush with longing

Only this: to feel you skin to skin

Like air in secret places

Cooling fevers of unknown origins.

It’s not that I’ve kept myself

For anyone, I’ve just kept myself

Because I didn’t know you were here to share this with.

Your hands stay at your sides

When I will them “touch me.”

Your body stays separate

When I will it to melt into mine.

Let’s redefine all boundaries

Bridge all separations

Because we’re made from love for love…

I can’t be shy about us any more

I love your smile; I beg your touch

I wait your arms returning around me.

I look at you

And there isn’t a “no” to be heard.

Last Chances & Random Rhymes

The lights are all off

Moonlight through the window,

Strange Venetian stripes

Make you exotic.

Words will not say this

Like your hands on my skin

Chilled & heating both

Speaking cell to cell

A communication nonpareil.

I need a man with long arms

Willing eyes – see past this skin

To the heart ablaze within.

Take me now, I’ll last forever

The end of time never so near

As when we kiss & match our bodies,

These beginnings opening fissures.

No word so pure as touch

Escapes this pen

Time has melted from the clock

Held tight to you again.

I promised to clean house

But I am writing poems

About backing into love

Since we cannot meet face to face.

There has to be a way

Around or through

I refuse to take this underground

When all I can see is your sky to fly into.

The Most Dangerous Words

Are those unsaid

They hide like thorns in greenleaves

They are unkind, unkempt,

Blackened by Truth.

I brawl & bawl & break open

As they pierce me.

Something is bleeding here.

All I ask for is a heaven

To rest in.

A sigh to rest upon.

A love to press into

To wrap myself around

All I have is reaching fingers

When we have to draw apart.

My eyes would fill with you

And not these tears

But love is a

Never-ending ending.

There is an alarm going off in my heart

Like that insistent reminder charm

Messages await.

But this is written in blood & fire

I die to hit the “send” key –

Releasing our love to the world.

I have made up a story

I am pretending your regard

I’m playing at becoming your fantasy.

Even at my fabulous age –

Desirable, warm, funny, talented…

The crest of love forgotten:

The Love of A Life again…

“Ping!”

Oh, there it is again

It’s such a short message I want to say

To just one of the eight billion of us here,

“I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Dreaming Change (Happy 4th of July!)

Have I dreamed this sea-change boiling across America? It’s a kind of Stadium Wave happening across our country as one group stands up, thrashes about, & another sits down.

In Hawaii & other places, land forms & rearranges itself, heaving from unknown depths in an incredible brew of white heat & black rock. Mountains slide sideways & crush nascent dams. The sun seems to fracture its light or appear as a shadow behind itself. Shorebirds land far inland as their photos appear all over media. Bears move onto porches to reside next to the woodpile. Whales beach themselves in unprecedented numbers. I certainly am not dreaming this.

We are threatened with 5G technology, a weapons-grade “helper” which is proven to confuse minds, cause headache, scramble thinking, sadly being installed in schoolyards. No way I might have made that up. What have “the powers” got against us? Why do they hate us so, to spray Round-Up on our fresh foods before releasing these to market, to redesign vegetable cells & redraw gene structures? I don’t want drought resistance laddered into my tomatoes, or insecticides rendered into my smoothie strawberries. I would love for the corn I buy to be corn & not engineered fuel.

I read about MK-Ultra-driven shooters, each with his own therapist/handler to bring out the worst prior to setting him loose in the populace. I don’t want to meet any Montauk boys – or girls for that matter, during the course of my day.

Information bears many prefixes: mis-, dis-, non-…but all I want is the straight story of events, their causes, their outcomes & how they are being addressed. What happened in Las Vegas & why do we hear no more about it? Were the men in black Kevlar at Parkland School unworthy of notice or comment by mainstream media?

I see short-sightedness & stupidity visited upon my neighbors & friends as a form of friendly fire masquerading as guidance. The skies twist in places, braiding clouds to bruise the logical mind. Groundwater disappears overnight, while downpours loosen rocks, in turn eradicating roads.

Whole populations rise from what they perceive as stinging insult, but instead of simple rhetoric, they line up cannons. Today I saw a star-spangled top on a woman while her significant other wore a sage green tee with a black automatic weapon stenciled on it. I actually wondered which was more representative of America at present.

Huge lines of people are on the move elsewhere & then become the butt of argumentative behavior wherever they try to arrive. I’m well aware not everyone is who they seem to be in these groups…no vetting has been enacted, the children with them may not be theirs & the Four Horsemen often ride alongside them, witting or no. But while we may wish them to return to their roots; this is an impossibility since the divide & conquer mentality of politicos has rendered their homelands deplorable. We created the problem we complain no one can solve.

We close borders to them, while our own destabilize, the very land humps & shivers, children disappear, economy spirals into the gray on the dollar bills, downgrading the green. We’re in an interactive system & need to recognize it’s a closed loop – atmosphere, nation-building, health – all connected in an intimate dance of creation & flow.

We have indeed released the Kraken we were assured might be controlled if only this, that, or the other happened. It rides the crest of the sea-change we experience, tentacles lashing out in fury.

The lies need to be refuted & remedied from both sides. The power to exercise global change must first bear some resemblance to what we wish the change to be. We straddle worlds so divided we cannot conceive agreement & attempt to enforce transformation. This clear & present danger to our individual selves & souls must be brought into order. At last glance, the Kraken was gaining, making this difficult indeed. The whole setup never came with an instruction book, tho many agreed upon what they perceived to be one in the Bible. Unfortunately, rules no longer apply & oratory serves no purpose.

Dissolving each boundary that is set, whether personal, political or perceptual, is sorely needed. Certainly, the world itself seems bent upon dissolution. But ours as humans came first. When promised heaven, what can we do with being delivered to hell?

Indeed, the storm is upon us & before its rage, we race for safety. It takes interesting people to live in interesting times, to counter the curse & give birth to amendment so enormous it is soon obvious we took on too much too fast. I don’t know where life’s demarcation occurs between forgiveness & right action, but I walk that thin line of light every day, in every encounter.

We each need to be great again as individuals for the country to be so. We need to curb the absolute power each one of us thought it so easy to handle. We have worn out the rule of law by applying it with force. Let us now try to administer it with love. It can be done. It is so quiet when we stop screaming. Change becomes possible, when love is used as the unerring power source to stoke its engines. Love is the only leash the Kraken will bow its scaly head to, rest its whipping limbs within, close its bulging eyes to rest upon.

Dig up your individuality, dust off all cliché it has rested in. Move your heart to the forefront, stop trying to think through unthinkable times. We must stop the harm out there to stop the harm being visited upon us. Do it now, as it’s unlikely we will ever have the full story!

Give the impossible its due: our hearts are online now, networked, hooked up, tuned in. Put the children in the center of the circle for protection, remove them from harm. With your eyes open to the future, attend to the present. Declare nothing to be unbelievable, even Peace in Our Time.

 

It Rained All Night

Such a commonplace event, rain. Unless you live in the Chihuahua Desert of New Mexico’s southwest where we’ve had no real rain since February when we had a day of windy-wet weather.

What resulted from a faraway “tropical depression” caused exultation here. A mothering rain fell all night. I woke at 3:30 a.m. to the gentle pulsing flow, swinging my legs from bed & rising with an energy I haven’t felt so far this summer.

I had left the doors & windows open, hoping for a breeze from Turtleback to breathe through & dissipate the built-up heat. To my delight, the chimes slowly named their notes from the yard pole as the rain began. The soothing sound of its fall, the distinctive aromatherapy of a desert releasing heat & sponging in moisture brought me straight downstairs to sit by the door.

The sun is a force of nature here. I joke the heat from the Trinity site (Alamogordo’s first atomic bomb) has revisited us since exiting outside is slowed by a solid wall of heat that stops all progress. I’ve lived here for years-at-a-time twice before, but this third time is exacting quite a struggle to stay cool.

Since I came from Delaware most recently, my memories are of north-facing French doors being sluiced by nor’easters, days & nights of drumroll rain, pouring water, bouncing drops, gusty winds all contributing to zipping up my Maine rain jacket & tying the hood tightly. The rain tossed itself against windows like someone outside was flinging buckets one after the other. Umbrellas were fruitless, turned inside out after two steps.

In T or C this year, the sun is different, intensified into a kind of microwave heat, immediately igniting the skin & clutching the lungs. Sometimes, I want to ask it what I did, it seems a personal affront when temps rush to 107 or 110 of a day.

It’s heavenly to wake to this gentle sound & sit by the screen to inhale moisture. The form & force of recent weather here has been argumentative & I’m so not in the mood.

This steady drizzle is an arpeggio after the crashing cymbal clang of relentless, raw, unnaturally white light. It is grace, softly miraculous, growing my sense of joy in the breaking morning. It’s a prayer answered, one from the people & the land together.

My poor garden fell victim to the unyielding heat. My water bill soared; I brought the containers to the local community garden with a sign saying “Adopt Me’ stapled to each. Many this morning will be offering gratitude that they need not uncoil the hose today & stand outside to relieve the powerful daily thirst of anything green-growing.

An uncomplicated enough phenomenon, this rain. I bow my head & accept heart’s-ease to its simplicity.