I’m Still Here, Mom

You’re not, though. I miss you. You were the only parent I had & I sure didn’t like that much when I lived in your home, but ‘only’ suffices that sentence. I remember so little: I recall so much.

I wanted a mom who held me & coddled me a bit – one who knew about hugs & how good they felt to a little kid. One who was focused on my dreams instead of her duties. One who wasn’t a bit like you – my stern disciplinarian, my comptroller, my uber-mom of legend. Breadwinner, emotional shredder, mover & shaker of all…

You were dealt a raw deal, Mom. Daddy cheated, or so the tale is told. You had to live with awful in-laws who thought criticism rhymed with breathing. You were never good enough for my ne’er do well dad & I’ll just bet he made off with your heart in a hurry & kept it in his footlocker for a longish time. You were as wronged as any country song & as put-upon by a disapproving family as ever a one was.

I really don’t know the details & my imagination isn’t up to the skill it would take to even make these up. I only know you did your your best by all of us as one by one we also beat you up in the unseemly skirmishes of kid vs. parent. In our imaginations we vanquished you to neverland while our reality included completing that chores list every day.

I know you found your treasures at work where accomplishing tasks excellently was the least of it. I know I wouldn’t be who I am if the course of events hadn’t followed exactly what you wrought them to be.

I made my own mother-mistakes & I doubt anyone finds the way easy as it was set down by family. I spent far more time seeking than finding, that’s for sure.

I hope you forgive me, too. It took a seance to hear you say, “I didn’t know what to do with you!” And that’s ok since I didn’t know what to do with me either.

There’s an old one on the books says “they did the best they could with what they had” & there’s a reason cliche’s ring true. Somewhere a cosmic throat-clearing is taking place. Somewhere we’re going to meet for percolator coffee & snowy pizzelles, & laugh our asses off at what we did.

Set the date, Mom, & I’ll be there to set the table!