To be alone is to care for my own needs on all levels. I am spoiled by this self-relationship, not needing to put up with the permutations of others.
Without the reassurance of others in which to reflect, my life can grow in any direction at all. Or not.
This is quite the realization to discover: I’ve been alone now far more years than not. Each relationship seemed to last such a long time, right? Yet they were all bunched up in the beginning of my “grown-up” years. I understand that this is the time during which I had the energy to attempt to raise a child, to move countlessly, to sustain all that went into a turn-of-the-times wife-hood. I was one caught on the horns of being the woman who did all the housework plus being the worker who earned the other half paying for the house.
So much energy was spent & replacing it was not easy as my efforts were absorbed with less than equal return simply because the scales at that time were unbalanced.
I see now I should have saved one of these relationships for this later time in life. I have so much more to give, already knowing how to do the prep work, how to love in the now with a surety sadly lacking earlier. I don’t permit the gaps to occur which were once inevitable…or if they do, I’m no longer thrown.
Now’s the time for laid-back love, when holding a hand is a meditation & a kiss can last an afternoon.
There are mirrors for reflection if I need this. There are rewards for health & earning my own way, which I thoroughly enjoy.
To have another would be simply doubling up the good.
