There are times I am so lonely I can taste it, hear it, smell it.
I see it in my mirror.
I am feeling empty.
Not much looking forward.
So tired of dancing with shadows when I want a real partner to my steps
In my arms, in my bed, in my head
Someone to wind fingers together
To share secrets
To smile at, crooked & crinkly.
I want to grow pale in sleep
Wrapped up in a warm body
My heart aches
My throat quivers
Unshed tears, unvoiced words
I cannot even see myself anymore
Invisible as the wind whistling through the holes in my head
Where confidence lived & moved & clarified my being.
Where did I go?
Subsumed. Exhausted by my own thoughts.
Hands up in surrender
I no longer believe in myself
Or that tomorrow will be better
A tangle around the Mayday pole of my ego.
Help me through this
Versed in conspiracy, in what might be/might have been
Primary: secondary: tertiary
Me me me
Lost at sea, surrounded by water
Only the sky is visible from here
But the clouds change too quickly
For my hope to hook onto.
I can tell you of investigations, complications,
The reasons blur.
I blink them away.
I cannot testify to
Any reasons for this.
There are no exit signs at sea
I have no fins, no scales,
No colors to float from here in rescue.
Can you lift a hand to bless me?
Lay it upon my forehead, soothe & smooth
Iron these tears to steam
Paint me on a smile?
Reinstate my life to valid?
I am here. I wait.
Lay a wreath atop the water.
Remember me for I was,
That maybe I shall be.