Read an Anna Quindlen book tonight called After Annie, a novel about a Mom’s death, the fumblings of her lost children, the searching father, the flailings of her best friend. By the last page, all conflict was resolved, the children united in healing, the father renewed by new love, the best friend finally pregnant. I closed my eyes, putting the book down, & thought “Thank God for happy endings.” I don’t think I could have handled a “reality finality.”

I have not had a sense of smell or taste since Covid in 2022, but friends recommended nicotine patches. After four days, I rolled a smooth line of patchouli up my arm, bringing it to my nose; I inhaled it, faint but present. An itty-bitty miracle in real-time. An up-close blessing. A new beginning.

I remember beginnings – I’m very good at them.

My boss angered me today & made me anxious that I’m losing ground at work. She was sharp about my not turning an impossible owner over to her for handling. “You need to call me right away when this happens!” she insisted. Not until the ride home did I remember that she had told me on Tuesday she wanted no interruptions this week as she was working for closure on some thorny accounts. I understand my anger – I recognize my anxiety. She’s leaving in January partly because of impossible owners, so I also feel her frustrations. Still, I’m counting on tonight’s sleep to bring me back to center. I will find the words to rebalance this tomorrow.

I am worthy, strong, capable & proper in my job. I’ll find the happy ending.

I am through with the bloody rags of the world. I’m done with porch pirates & nasty screamers & dining on scraps of others’ error. I make my own joy from now on. I don’t accept the out there because I’ve resolved so much in here. I know it’s an ongoing war, but I understand so much more about peace just from these interactions. My angel card today was Gratitude.

There is a whole new world pulsing beneath this one. There’s another sky formed above it.

I stand between.