Thank you for being here, for continuing to turn in your inimitable & loving way,
The stars shine, imperious & grand. No dogs bark tonight, the breeze is still. Turtleback waits on the moon to reappear so impossibly high above him. All is mysterious night after the unbelievably energetic day.
The plants are happy to be out of Kitty Quarantine. They add to the peace & quiet depth of joy that I feel.
I am a judgmental human, I know. But I am self-contained & of small note in the schema of a world swollen with emotional life.
I feel “zenned” – uncontained. I am important in my little way: people express gratitude that I exist in many ways.
I do not feel sad about letting Fitz go, tho he brought love into the house. Have I once more traded love for convenience to self? It is easy to say life is full of strange disappointments, that it’s hard & lonesome, that our own selves are what we ultimately rely upon. What is lost in that admission is that life also is composed of ineffable joy in the moment surrounded with beauty & knowledge. I am grateful for all it brings me & more so to be able to return that joy in blessing, presence & sharing myself.
Peace is often hard-won at a steep emotional cost. But peace is what I strive for now. My heart is right tho adamantine in expression of what it feels to be “right.” But peace is my striving right now. I’ve never really been an easy person to live with – for myself or others. Yet these others accept me as I am; as I do them.
Thank you, Life, for lessons in love & life in health. My body moves more slowly but feelings overflow boundaries. I find I mourn less…”can’t lose what you never had” is how the cliche goes. Sometimes I do feel I’ve missed so much, yet I live so abundantly in comparison.
Change is always possible…certainly necessary…usually hard-won.
Others express a belief in me & I am happy to be both in community & isolated. Coexistence pays well!
What else, tho, is a human? All imperfect, mercurial, powerful & at times, godlike.
I hope to live to my own measure & to support & allow, to bring forward light from shadow. May my light ever express in divinity of intent.