Gently, so gently do I touch love
The petal of a flower
With a tendency to curl into protection
Most tenderly I offer a wish, a promise, a longing
Turned into yearning, if I gaze too long upon it.
I am firm. Resolute. I will not disturb this seedling
Except to offer the water of my prayers.
Who knows where our perceptions may bring us?
To what tall doors opening
Into adventure or amorous murmurs?
I am familiar with this dance; the steps never leave.
I am not like her; not frail, nor sickly
I am an ocean after you have tended a mountain rill…
There are mysterious depths here, a rush of saline
A holy path to follow to fulfillment
But I see you patting love down as you would a stray kitten
While I am the panther, curled upon plateaus of rock.
When it is time, we shall meet on terms of strength
In skies filled with wind,
We will open wings & fly
Be where you need to be for now
I have our future well in hand.
I am daydreaming about being in love. What is happening here? What am I doing? What stray magic has padded in like a cat, curling its tail around my heart?
So much is going so well, why not? Why deprive myself of a dream when being awake might bring the same thing? why else are we placed in each other’s path, except to love & become the Beloved?
Yet I know nothing; love drives out all knowledge. What went before is erased, a film laid over the past to be rewritten, reworked, resumed at another chord.
Don’t listen to me. It is nothing, this tiny blossom, delicate as a wish…a sturdy mountain flower bright in color against a desert sea of sky.
I will tell none but you & my journal of this. Shh. Like oiling the tin man, this nourishes my heart. Unfolding an origami uncovers all the wrinkles; new patterns display, thoughts of never knowing this again are smoothed away. How does this happen except as a miracle patterned upon the sacred in life?
There is nothing here but a whisper about to become a song…a melody drawing a bow across heartstrings long bundled in silk.
SET MY HOOKS ON HEAVEN’S RIM
Prayer over prayer, I climb
Searching in wonder for whomever therein dwells
Lords & ladies?
Crossing rainbows latticed of beliefs
Buttressed by Faith
This is harder than I thought:
While wearing a skinsuit!
I’ve never lacked fortitude or fortune
Promised God in every encounter
I examine each for divine traces
Sometimes finding only one gray hair.
8 A.M./FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH
The hot, fierce light of New Mexico
Seasoned by overcast
To a blend of blessing-cool
A morning to sit outside
Traffic blowing by in purposeful wind
Life catching its breath
For one more day on Planet Earth
Who can trust wisdom anymore?
That of the ages is pop-stuff now
Our minds are far beyond the tenets
Deep in personal responsibility
Dig in, my Soul, find the
Traction of grace
Levity of blessing
Spores of holiness…
Follow the perfume of angels a-wing
Orient towards the Divine
It’s the scent of love
Fresh-baked & set
Upon an open windowsill
Of a morning.
CREATION (Two Views)
I wonder if God donned an apron
Then set to shape the World.
Dusted His hands in flour & water
Before patting up the clay…
Could be He set us up along the
Fence ‘round Heaven
Walking down the line
Blowing us into the twice-blessed world.
I like that He clapped us up out of nothing
Cobbled up a world to home us
Blessed it blue & brown
Setting our souls a-wing into space-time.
Maybe a Mother made us
Searching the rag-bag pile
For scraps in red & yellow,
Tan & black…
Pulling these free &
Settling on a stool to
Fill a whimsy.
How lovingly she worked,
Symmetrical & shapely –
Imagine us, the source of Her delight
As we began our Song of Thanks…
Her affection captured, She
Fell to earnest Creation:
A world for us to dwell upon
Creatures to ride & roar & race
Greens to eat
God! She thought of everything!
Even water to get us clean again,
Brains to continue in personal conceivings,
Hearts to love…
Then up to bed She went
And in the morning, we were gone.
Whatever happens today, breathe peace into it. When an event takes you out of body, breathe yourself back in. Put your feet back onto the ground which welcomes them with love. Be an Earthling for a day, admire the air for being available. Regard with attention, the life around you: avian, amphibian, ambient.
Let sovereign morning order your day. Just as the sun rises steadily into a sky ready to embrace it, let your day embrace you, offer you food, lay sustenance over you with abundance on top.
Bring forth what is best inside you – even if the effort seems false or lacking, or even a pretense.
For me, it is the habit of excellence I wish to acquire, and sometimes I need to start low while aiming high. I’d like to think it’s just a matter of skill & “beginnery” but it has been more. I haven’t been interested enough yet. I have professed interest & claimed interest & pretended it. Now is a time to practice it.
I have been alive a long time to just be finding out that I am so. I was a human being in many other life iterations just in this spacious lifetime. I was a student, a secretary, a mom, a wife, a food worker, a massage therapist. All seemed mutually exclusive, yet all were me.
Only occasionally did I choose time for self-care. Indeed, it is in my latter years that I’ve perceived self-care as a good idea. Now & here do I actually see in active tense; I observe with the intent of interaction. I admire, I enjoy, I watch, I smile & laugh about the activity that goes on in background to sustain me. I am humbled by the arrangement of the universe around my needs & my perceptions of both of these.
If I slip down a detour that looks promising & feels right for a moment, I still need to examine it for what I want to express with my life. If it does not meet this standard, I need to abandon exploration. I’m required to abandon the limiting thought for the next, better thought. In this way, I breathe my peace into it.
You get what you give. Make your habit giving & giving back. It doesn’t have to come with balloons, wine & roses or in a Cartier box. Turning over a lousy feeling for the good one underneath is enough. Smiling to refute a frown is a great beginning. Then look at what’s causing any frown. Smooth it off the surface even as you remove it from the elsewhere, wherever that is.
To tune into who you are, it is needful to tune out all the rest of it. Like emptying the lungs of even the reservoir pocket of air at the bottom of each exhale, it is scary, it can feel life-threatening. But just as the air is always there when you’re ready to replenish, your self, that which might be called your soul is always there when you reach for it. If you have lived a life in & of this country, you may have to talk it back in from a distance, or allow the organics of it to re-root in your psyche.
You need to put down the barriers & walk outside of the boundaries where you have been “saved” for so long… I minded less than others putting down my phone & turning my computer into a simple communications device. I lived a long time simmering in my own silences which are now familiar & comfortable. I am one of those old women walking along the side of the road chatting with themselves, given away by my gestures. But it’s a private conversation & I’m enjoying it. The definitions of mental health need to be enlarged to include all the tools we claim we live by, if you want exclude people like me. What’s crazier than un-inhabiting the exact speck of time you are standing in by partaking of the past that created it & the future which will spring from it, through media which is ultimately damaging to the physical construct it claims to support? In other words, when you are watching a crimson & light sunset, why answer your phone?
Getting back to some connection with Nature has been my impetus for conscious, focused improvement. I learn there is no other way to be & be self-aware. My boundaries have all shifted into another “place entire.” I am allowed now, freed from schedules. I find myself unrestrained by hours I do not arrange, to think & to be whom I have planned for all along – even when I didn’t know I was planning anything much.
Each time I breathe, I breathe peace into it.