I have a hurricane for a heart, I see it from the space between us.
Counterclockwise / widdershins to time
I would turn the clocks back
And that would be easier than loving you now.
I would halt the sea as the next wave rises
So much simpler than trying not to
Write the words I want to say.
I feel tasered: my energy scatters in all directions;
My heart drums out your name
I stop my ears from answer
You cannot open these connections
You dare not flirt
For I will take you down.
And here, at my level, there are only your hands
And Hunger so strong
I cannot begin to use the words to say
What I feel
For the whole world would fall in love with me.
Swept away & far beyond
Where you have any permission to go.
“Ethics? The hell with ethics – it’s my life!”
I am calm. I dismiss the whole event out of hand.
Then your name on an email steals across the screen
Like a French kiss.
O God, I have been here before.
No Bollywood maiden, nor even matron
But ringing with tiny bells, rolling my kohl-shaped eyes
Slipping upstairs to the bedroom
Wearing only perfume.
Why you? You unlikely beast of passion
I do not even know your whole name
Only you wear holey sweaters.
And your smile replaces where my heart once dwelt.
You test a sentence on me; I am not sure you mean to say
What I hear. I am not sure I hear
What you say.
In the variation:
Wanting so much of one
The other sets up as pain.
My body is stately now, not shapely.
But every cell remembers passion &
That unremembered is easily created.
Tongues & fingertips – even toes to slide
There is silk here & salt where memory is only love
And I am a Fool beyond the boundary of
All the handbooks for the league of decency
Burnt to ash by the simple casual reply I give.
When I have erased six messages I could not send.
Don’t hit reply unless you mean it
You cannot understand how easily I will seduce you with words
Bring you to heel, to your unready knees
Or at least the closest chair
When they give way on you
I worry too much about appearances
When all that is remembered are results
I would create a fountain of you
And eagerly pull this into me
My tight interior, ready hips,
I would dance you into me
So you would not see the slack breasts
Or wrinkled thighs
My musk would be your air
And your breath would catch in wonder
To enter me; the holy of holies
The prize for which gods fought in times Before.
Don’t toy with me, don’t send me cute little words
For you are not my unwed lover
To take me in any fashion
But my own.
Beware the simple sentence
That compounds to loving me
For you will never return with words
To me what I will make you feel
You will touch once
For the burn scar can only remedy
By applications of the same
And yes, this is an almighty ego
Against which you bruise
But I will not be other than I am
When with her, the only “lie” is to lie down in opening surrender.