Mindfulness

                                                                                                                            (To GE*)

This essay is about discovering mindfulness.  Oh, not in the Tibetan way.

I am reading a book called “Belladonna” by Anne Bishop.  It is the second in a trilogy – but I have missed the first one, as usual.  Second books of series build the plot, layer the pot: the villain darkens, the heroes & heroines journey to find their best weapons & refine them.  In the book, what the characters think manifests in the landscape.  For example, anger will come up somewhere as rocks & stones.  Next comes clearing the garden of rocks & stones.

I am following the word “mindfulness” around in my head.  Like connective tissue, it wraps every thought & idea.  How can I just be coming to Realization with this? The word has visited before, like a butterfly, noticeable, distinct, unique.  But it seems it has never lighted for long: a quick appearance, a fanning of wings (tasting my energy) & off to the next.

Today it is hanging on a bit, winking in & out at me.  This is not a ‘gratis’, or pro bono appearance.  I must pay for it with my attention.

I was able to bring my focus back to what I was doing in the when of doing it.  Wow! This is a huge shift for me.  Putting one foot in front of another while consciously feeling what each movement accomplished in my body as it was being made. 

I wonder, is the sea conscious of every wave?  Of course.   This is the Sea of Consciousness.   I notice an old joke: The old man fish swims by two younger ones & says, “Enjoy the water!”  The youngers pause for a moment to ask each other, “What’s water?”

I notice my attention favors the future.  What has been happening in my wake? Have I been knocking folk about like tenpins as I pass – the rush to achieve my future overwhelming my present?  Have I been bathing others in a warmer flow where they may take a deeper breath? Is my landscape sandy beach with prickly sawgrass, or towering misted mountains with meadows afoot?

As to manifestation…a short tale: there is an aggressive boxer on the next block up.  This morning, his maybe eleven-year-old master held his collar as I passed.  I thanked him, telling him the dog had threatened me in the past to the point where I turned around to take the next block over.  He apologized. 

I neglected to tell him this dog also jumps the back fence to threaten my way down the alley.

As I walked the alley home, I mused on whether Boxer would be “out back” & he was.  [Location of Thoughts?]  He leaped the fence growling & in stiff-legged advance.  I used my MOAV** on him, faced him, walked at him on loose legs with a stiff back, shoulders up, handweights bristling.  Boxer backed off, but too reluctantly, this time, more ready to engage than when I threatened him off before. 

I will not walk in the alley on that block anymore.  Why resist?

I was lit up with anger, ready to wrangle, on DEEEfense.  “Dog, just walk this way & see where these handweights line up on your short-ear, square head.”

I understood what I was bringing to myself as I formed the thoughts. Is the dog to blame?

 I was able to let it go by the end of the block, a scant 40’.  I feel tingling again as I write of this, yet I know it is of no profit in this when.  I cannot live today doused in a simmering growl.  I choose to let it go & re-breathe my day.

I think this might be Mindfulness on approach.  Gaining? Landing?  Thank you, Butterfly.   Please, would you stay for just another moment?  I remember now: it’s the only one I have. 

• to Gina Emerging **Mother Of All Voices