Bringing self to heel
binding the soul to flesh it fled many years ago,
I cling to the surface
where water tension only bears so much
before I sink, one, two, three
my hand breaks free, grasping air
it cannot hold.
I release this gasping grasp
to wave at the sky I so loved instead.
I sink, not so much as stone,
but as an inchoate wish
made equal of sun & stars.
How did I come so far from shore?
I, who dwelt in deserts
seduced by moisture clean of sand.
I clung so long to life that life itself forgot me.
The letter never mailed
Connections void of course.
I will not surrender here to force, to gravity
grown gravid with my weight.
I will kick hard & hold my tongue
till breath is no more an option than flight
but still I will not yield!
Instead I’ll yearn for waves to freshen
for beaches to crawl out upon
clutching only the heart I dove in for.
I left the love letter unsent
Writing instead to the editor
on trivial, thoughtless things
unworried about a return address.
I wrote love’s sealed secrets
for none to see, for all to share…
I’m out of stamps, regardless
Paper on a desk
not even made into a list:
pickles, catfood, tea
A cause with not a reason
A room of stars alone with no doors.
I am concupiscent with endings
this woman of long beginnings
of arrogant centers
of faded memoir.
In the somewhere of time is the sometime of where
I am a Beloved, an Abba
with a family name I cannot pronounce.
He never signed the Permission Slip
but watched me walk to the edge of heaven
To dive headlong into its elusive counterpart
it’s illusive counterpoint.
I did not know I could not fly in return!
Nor the gate would close behind me with a click
Breaking my heart.
Why didn’t I await the paperwork?
Stretching the red tape of reincarnation
unable to set my mind:
A giraffe or a girl?
I took my chances, ignoring every sign
about standing near the edge
until, seduced into falling,
here I am, eyeing mountains
Thinking climbing up is climbing back.
Blear-eyed & trembling,
Aged of thirst & heartbreak,
Take me to home I so burned to leave –
Screaming all the way down.
IF LIFE MIRRORS DIVINITY
I’ll take the one with the biggest crack
the silvering resinous & stained,
no true reflection to be had
Tho I polish it with my soul.
Working the salt mines of desire
Ten inches a year’s yield
I watch these flicker away
Leaves fed to fire
I fight the smoke
I bring the rain
I search for stones to pound it through
And when it breaks – as mirrors always do –
I heave up over the edges
Bleeding out the names of God.
STIFF WITH SORROW
The words seep out, blue on white
mounting speed, outstripping sad
I scratch ink across the page
I need answers to the questions no one asks!
I left a rock atop my wings
and walked into the sea.
MOVE ALONG, SIRRAH!
I am no longer “pretty”
but old & bold, I have learned patience.
It’s not final, nor the answer
when life comes rooting in my dumpster
where I’m looking for my heart…a hand to hold.
I poured out love in roaring measures,
I pressed out pain & rubbed out ruin
Offering strangers that which calls for coin
but buys no stock in who I have become.
No matter. Were the choice to round my way again,
I would choose the carousel with all-white horses
Carpisoned in gold…not gathering the reins
Nor stroking flame-red nostrils.
I’d lay down my face on a fiberglass mane
To ride the stars.