A short bout with Omicron has left me with heart flutters, a strange appetite for sugar & hotdogs with mustard only, for doughy rolls & canned food. What the hell is this? How could a virus change my organs? I am more timid, less allowing, rigid too. This outcome is definitely not of nature which has never forced itself against me so, obscene in overture, slippery smiles & tentacles snapping, reaching to snare my unwary parts.
I must be more conscious now. I defy these symptoms with salads, with rice crackers. I tell my heart, “Wait a mo'” while I fix a coffee to test the boundaries of its beats. I defy this new normal & create yet another unmoved by terror of failure. My past is already satiated & complacent. It is only the present with which I struggle.
I surge forward & upward, escaping the snaky holds. I will not cower before another man’s creation. I will not surrender if there is aught in me to continue the fight. Nothing not of God will enter me, control me, devour me.
The fear in my heart pulls in the edges, isolates me
Protects itself, its waves recede;
The open beach left exposed is flat, empty,
Bubbles sink & dry, harden, their
Moisture drained. The winds begin a wail
Whip up frenzy
Heart cowers more, sinking deeper into self
Crusts over so little more can enter
Stung by sand whipped
Almost mooing, my heart remains bovine.
One morning, the winds will still
thinking me cowed…
The tides return; the memory retreats, That moment
I leap, anticipating its return, I leap
To an understanding – that knowledge that I have
Shown fear my future
& frightened it away.
Begone, Fear! You have no power here!
The vast engines of energy gear up with a roar
Stunned, my little self finds a vision larger to inhabit
Hastens there, slamming doors behind
That fear may not follow.
In the new light of being unafraid
Emerged from fear’s long shadow
I create again
I move again forward
I gather all about me
Heart emerges in fanfare, confetti, parade!
I am healed. Unblemished. Ready.