Samhain

I am here.

The beach.

I left the apartment climbing a racheting of worry: I didn’t bring a …

Whatever & all my civilized mind believes I need for an elemental day.

Driving, I revisit one of the many conversations I could/would/should have had

Yesterday.

I open the car windows: blow the words away.

That

Is

No

More.

 = = = = =

The sandpipers only may run back & forth

Circling one another as my thoughts

The parking places are 9’ high with hurricane sand

I pull into one of the last seven left

I carefully scan the meter structure:

Oh good! I am clear until 10 and it is 8:12.

I keep my sandals on to walk to the waterline,

Distinctive sounds of crunch/slide walking

I eye the knotted trash bag, hoping for a conch

But conchs don’t bear logos.

There are few shells, many fragments.

My breath becomes as deep as the beach

My shadow grows as the sun takes heed, uncovering itself in light

I put my old lady jacket on the back of the chair as I sit.

 = = = = =

I momentarily have no words, but I’ve come here to write

Higher Self prepares to scrawl a renewed prescription for this life.

Yesterday I left my job to a rousing sendoff of friends at a luncheon.

My boss says “I never intended to let you go” & runs thru her too-familiar

Litany of my faults

My heart shrank, my stomach heaved…

This time I could walk out the door.

 = = = =

People asked, “Where are you going?”

I shrugged, I’ve not thought that far

Only knowing I would be at the beach today.

 = = = = =

Growing up on an island means I return to my roots

Ironically in the place where none will ever take

I am movable as the sea, like the sea.

 =  = = = =

I wear no makeup: I took no shower

I wear ocean colors, cloud colors

I am invisible

 = = = = =

I am awake

 = = = = =

I dreamt a dog climbed onto my bed

My throat too clogged with words to say them

I accepted its warmth & quieted.

 = = = = =

I will find a bakery when I leave

(Why must plans intervene?

Why follow a path in front of the biggest mystery I’ll ever know?

Why not be random, erratic? More aware of shadows than what creates them?)

 = = = = =

On this day, I begin a journey unfathomable to many, my plans

For far more than a bakery

 = = = = =

I have been here before

But usually this feeling aligns with making 350 miles before dinner.

My dead vie for control of the pen begging, “Write me immortal! Re-create me

Anew in three dimensions!”

I thank them & write on.

 = = = = =

Tomorrow is November: Tonight Halloween

Church bells ring: An omen?

The waves chase each other

Churning sand to drag back in their retreat

Nowhere else to go, they tag the shore, melting.

The sun decodes me, pushing my personal shadow to one side

”Let me look at you,” she says

“Hey! I like those earrings!”

“Hmmm, no makeup today?”

“Good to see you, Carol, been awhile, but I remember.

I’ve watched you every day & while you think your life is long,

I know that body as a blink on my horizon.”

“I see you like one of those sandpipers,

To & fro & back again, snatching at the ground for nourishment

Flickering wings catching breeze,

A black & white life you lead,

Stark with words.”