For all the flow of the road, for all the words that camped behind my brain while I was driving, then wrote when I was still – where are they now?

I’ve landed on my feet in T or C. I have a job. I have an organized apartment with some unexpected special surprises. I have a dear new friend who is staying at my initial Landing Space, one who is also a writer. We exchange words & readings – a dream come true for me who stayed so many places where people were noncommital beyond a “how do you do that?”

I have pulled the goathead plants in front & alongside my place. A neighbor has given me a quite-neat cactus for my front step. I have driven a total of 13 miles this week after 1800+ two weeks back.

I may be in a kind of “stop-shock.” Holding still is causing a bit of anxiety, the free-floating kind. I am popping Hyland’s Calm & Rescue Remedy steadily. I’ve worked four & a half shifts & am getting familiar with the program & the duties.

I feel estranged, I feel beside myself. I am reconsidering all the promises I made to myself of what I would do when I arrived. About half of these are getting done. I cling to that half with a hand & two fingers.

I am finding acquaintances wherever I go. I have signed on for senior lunches – something I promised never to do. I lied to get on the list & feel quite guilty: they asked “Do you live in poverty?” My mouth said “yes” before my brain could rock far enough back in my skull to essay a “no.”

I live in an abundance I have never experienced before & I don’t know quite what to do with all of it. I write funny stuff for my group writes on Monday & Tuesday. I have a class in A Course of Love on Sundays with others who share the inquiry of heart over mind over matter. I dream of rooms without walls where children come to play with my stuff.

This coming Sunday I will read at Black Cat Poets for the first time in four years, followed by a special reading at the Fiesta T or C Poets in our local El Cortez theatre. Five minutes to read for a wider audience than just other poets on a kickoff event for an annual celebration ongoing for decades.

I have both hands on the wheel & need a direction.

Today I resumed hikes at the Fish Hatchery, setting up a Tuesday Regular Event. Friday evenings I go to dinner with others where we discuss the politics no one else will speak on, flowing in & out of agreement seamlessly.

This is all I wanted. I savor every bit of it.

I surrender to the anxiety with old coping mechs, knowing change is straight ahead.

It’s as tho I have too many choices. I am at a crossroads with an octopus giving me directions.

But this a beginning. I will take one step forward, only then finding my Way.