This essay is about discovering mindfulness. Oh, not in the Tibetan way.
I am reading a book called “Belladonna” by Anne Bishop. It is the second in a trilogy – but I have missed the first one, as usual. Second books of series build the plot, layer the pot: the villain darkens, the heroes & heroines journey to find their best weapons & refine them. In the book, what the characters think manifests in the landscape. For example, anger will come up somewhere as rocks & stones. Next comes clearing the garden of rocks & stones.
I am following the word “mindfulness” around in my head. Like connective tissue, it wraps every thought & idea. How can I just be coming to Realization with this? The word has visited before, like a butterfly, noticeable, distinct, unique. But it seems it has never lighted for long: a quick appearance, a fanning of wings (tasting my energy) & off to the next.
Today it is hanging on a bit, winking in & out at me. This is not a ‘gratis’, or pro bono appearance. I must pay for it with my attention.
I was able to bring my focus back to what I was doing in the when of doing it. Wow! This is a huge shift for me. Putting one foot in front of another while consciously feeling what each movement accomplished in my body as it was being made.
I wonder, is the sea conscious of every wave? Of course. This is the Sea of Consciousness. I notice an old joke: The old man fish swims by two younger ones & says, “Enjoy the water!” The youngers pause for a moment to ask each other, “What’s water?”
I notice my attention favors the future. What has been happening in my wake? Have I been knocking folk about like tenpins as I pass – the rush to achieve my future overwhelming my present? Have I been bathing others in a warmer flow where they may take a deeper breath? Is my landscape sandy beach with prickly sawgrass, or towering misted mountains with meadows afoot?
As to manifestation…a short tale: there is an aggressive boxer on the next block up. This morning, his maybe eleven-year-old master held his collar as I passed. I thanked him, telling him the dog had threatened me in the past to the point where I turned around to take the next block over. He apologized.
I neglected to tell him this dog also jumps the back fence to threaten my way down the alley.
As I walked the alley home, I mused on whether Boxer would be “out back” & he was. [Location of Thoughts?] He leaped the fence growling & in stiff-legged advance. I used my MOAV** on him, faced him, walked at him on loose legs with a stiff back, shoulders up, handweights bristling. Boxer backed off, but too reluctantly, this time, more ready to engage than when I threatened him off before.
I will not walk in the alley on that block anymore. Why resist?
I was lit up with anger, ready to wrangle, on DEEEfense. “Dog, just walk this way & see where these handweights line up on your short-ear, square head.”
I understood what I was bringing to myself as I formed the thoughts. Is the dog to blame?
I was able to let it go by the end of the block, a scant 40’. I feel tingling again as I write of this, yet I know it is of no profit in this when. I cannot live today doused in a simmering growl. I choose to let it go & re-breathe my day.
I think this might be Mindfulness on approach. Gaining? Landing? Thank you, Butterfly. Please, would you stay for just another moment? I remember now: it’s the only one I have.
- to Gina Emerging **Mother Of All Voices