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The big ones have exhausted themselves: marriage, a come-along child…

All kind of fogged  up & faded with the clouds, along with

Being movie-star gorgeous, slim, bespoke, pearled

Wildly successful & adored –

These marched around for a long time in my imagination

My brain once a drum of echo

Now simply a hollow reflection.

Heart, now, becoming a fractal of All Life

Not life dreamed up, but life as it is

Funny, simple, days of balm & thunder

Strung out on golden strands

From the Maypole of Source.

All the selves I have been & have not yet become

Taking up their ribbon, breathing before the dance

In regard, in reflection.

With one step, one heartbeat

We take up the melody

Of the Life of Now.

= = = = =

I have been a mother, a wife, a renowned worker, an empowered Being

An entrepreneurial soul

An entry-level saint –

That was then: this is my Now.

Who am I distilling into?

My brain should only expand upon my heart’s capacity.

Feeling all I have felt has rendered me obsolete

In my own time.

= = = = =

This is the last mirror to shatter

I see now the light behind it.

If oblivion swallows me, it will belch me out in another season.

I am Jonah freed from the belly of the whale,

Ishmael freed from bondage, the beast no longer bound to my boat.

If I hadn’t been paying attention to all of these,

This time of where/when/how

Has informed me how to begin.

= = = = =

I have the  premonition the time will find me on its own

A sentient key to the  universe of me exists.

To begin again the True Quest.

= = = = =

6-2-26

I’m not sure either of us expected each other

Yet I live in the kind of hope that starts fires,

Burns down old paradigms

Burrows beneath & finds winkling gold.

I speak the kind of language

Which opens old doors, from which voices speak in tongues

Not always complimentary, but mostly kind

From my collection of kind words – I hold these

Up to my soul which takes what is needed

For healing, repairs to the Surgery Suite

Starts implanting…then waters the growing

Brings forth Greenleaf & Flowers.

= = = = = = = = =

Putting my heart into shop:

Hey, Car, where you been? That dent has got to go,

Let’s rotate the tires, change the oil, get the

Bugs off the windshield.

I wonder at the price tag but rely on the credit I have already banked

To keep me solid, social, steering.

I don’t always want the logic I’m left with

So full-bore is the only way to go

Old habits intervene at times, I feather the brake

Wishing the downhill run

Will bring me into your opening arms.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Hell, I haven’t minded subjugation for years now

I haven’t really paid attention so long as I had a good view

Adequate response

A little appreciation.

But awakening, I find remembrance echoing,

Footsteps that too often walked away pause, turn around,

I am regarded in retro & found beautiful.

= = = = = = = = = = = =

O Lord, I have an hour before my walk at 6

Before putting out birdseed,

Before heading to potato & egg breakfast with a sore-footed friend.

I have a lifetime before life begins again

Before the exit ramp returns to the highway

I didn’t know I was on, so focused on green mileage signs

I would stretch into your embrace, take you in,

Rock you to my nirvana…summit  your Everest.

I am always ready to be loved, to become beloved.

I cannot dissociate from what my heart calls me to

Yet I can hold it out at distance

Until identified as reality I can take in.

Until I can imagine it real.

 = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Okay, so  you were right: I did think about my decisions

After you left to cool.

But space & time make the woman ponder

Imagine

So much more entrainment, alignment, recall.

My headlong rush becomes a side eye

Are you real? Can I depend upon reality anymore?

It’s changed so much over the years.

There’s a child in me calling for delight

For hand-clapping games,

A teenager watching for gallantry, awaiting desire’s tidal wash.

I hear the gates opening oiled hinges

I gaze at the prairie leading to mountains,

My nose twitches: I want.

= = = = = = = = = = = =  =

Hoping you’re not poetry-averse,

I write. This is how the holy thoughts come

The ones I can only ink into being

The thoughts that move me: that rock my world.

I set an artificial boundary

But it has taken near-forever to grow into me:

to say, Aw, hell! Come & get it!

Healing a long-neglected wound,

Ceasing an expected no-longer-noticed pain

This woman of memes, this heart now putting down weapons

Of ignoring the obvious,

Of rooting up defenses,

Opening windows, airing out.

This childish wishing to be folded into another’s body

 To become the sleek seal in your silken waters

To be brought to grace, singing.

= = = = = = = = = = = = =

I can surrender:

it is up to the man to find the woman

even ones long held hostage by doubt…

even the ones finding integration

into acceptance difficult:

it is up to you to court me

out of my judgment

to one by one switch off the alarms suddenly beeping

I remember how to follow

An untapped mem’ry, for a very long time

I remember the all of everything, an eagerness of experience –

I have recreated reality so many times

I remember how to fall & once fallen,

to open from the inside out…

How can I tell you this?

What page is it on? Where did I put that book?

Open on the bed, ready for reading & writing &

the mathematics of love.

Let the wind decide I’m late

Can the wind tell time anyway?

Let the sunlight decide the truth

Of who I am.

Let my sight decide the scene

And my height decide the meme

Let my shoes begin the walk

Let the poem be my talk

Bring me over to your side

If we cannot walk, we’ll ride

But the sands decide the line

Which we walk before we glide

For we’ll never have it all

If we cannot find the time.

======================

The years run like sand through my hands

How many oceans gone subterranean?

As walls divided us

We traded clocks for our lives

All ticked out

Alarms having run their courses

Like dogs to the fences

Never knowing they could cross

With a leap

I have corded my beads

Crossing over the porch

But the boards on the windows

Have fallen away

The whole world traded off

For a moment of silence

An hour’s grace

The beach went on forever

The blue of night overtook the moon

The owls mixed with the bats

And time sang alleluia

The light aslant

From window to window

I no longer am who I was

I love chairs, not deserts

I love nightfall, not oceans

I don’t watch the stars

I consult the cards each day

I don’t miss the world

But the world may miss me

The fabulous only brought me closer to myself

I am content to breathe in roses

To point at them with my staff

Geology takes forever

My ears hear the forest

As I walk towards it

Sitting at the edge

Listening to it grow.

======================

I have forgotten so much more than I ever knew

Of truth, of lies, faces, shoes & more

What I thought would hold has given all away

The seeds bore fruit I did not eat

The restlessness of years

Settled around me with a sigh

An obsidian egg of luck is all I now need

We converse in tongues no one can understand

I catch shadows in my hands

To set them free overhead

The light speaks another language

As does the heat

And afternoon is all day long.

================================

Age settles about me:

A comfortable cloak indeed

I am warm within its careworn perimeter

I eat as I please

If I had a chimney, it would puff blue smoke

I’d never see

Wrapped in music indoors

Centuries could pass

The world could turn into silken sleeves

I would pull up to have them drape once more

To watch the flow of fabric

I am all women & none

A consecration of grace & mixed guilt

Reconciled

Finally dreams take forever

Slender women dressed in feathers

Pass by in a hurry of heels

In a room where birds fly through open windows

Where only grace permits

What happens on this

Long couch

A collection of unfamiliar people

Pass outside

Angels float overhead

Their winged susurrus

A background of faith

Alone on streets of gold

I walk forward to meet my love.