Well, I’m 2 for 2. I literally cannot give it away. I met a second man who I thought could be an intimate partner but this not to be had. I could go full bore on these men, giving up secrets & tattling – if I had any material.

Unfortunately, most of the relationship “business” has taken place in my head, so that’s where I need to write it from. Well, honestly, it’s taken place in other parts of my body too, but they can’t type.

I guess I am not in it for relationship right now. I guess I’m in it for the “End Times” & all that. And I get to march up to the Gates on my own, trailing wanna-be’s rather than real partnerships. When St. Pete lookes out over my nonexistent entourage, will he just grin & chuck me under the chin? “Hard times, Chickie,” he may intone & make a note in the Book. “She came in alone.” Behind him, the angels will chuckle shortly (hiding grins behind a wingtip.)

“You did pretty good at chronicling, tho,” he’ll say. “You get lots of points on that!”

“Riiiiight!” I’ll manage, looking over my shoulder to check if anyone’s there. “But what about being the Handmaid part? Do I get anything for that? Do I even get a hashmark for listening to that one guy describe his complete belief system for over an hour after after I asked if he could give it to me in an elevator speech?” And then he pulls out his gun & leaves it there, in the open? And ….

“‘Fraid not, dear one; you had the option to leave & I’ll give marks that you actually did. You were starting to toughen up at that point. Kudos! And it was the better part of valor not to say anything, tighten up that sphincter & head out. But you should have glimpsed his powers of explanation after he gave you those bum directions, you know?”

“And it had nothing to do with the gun, Sir, I was really trying to understand all he was describing!”

“Hey, Winners & Losers equal out in the End, just come on in thru the Gate & take a number in the waiting room. We’re setting up your next assignment.”

“What? I have to go back?” (I inject a little whine in my voice here. I thought Mercy was supposed to abound in Heaven.)

“Carol, you say this like you didn’t know it’s a ‘lifetime commitment!’ YES, you’re going back in. We’re cooking up the job description: it’s got a little misery, a whole lot of laughs – sort of like this one was, & a way of making you grow into the best you there can ever be. HR never lets us down here & you’ll get to have a say along with your team. By the way, I understand when they’re asked ‘anyone else going in?’ they all kind of shuffle their feet & clear their throats. How do you feel about that?”

“Well, I don’t really mind. I’ve got the lay of the territory now. It just takes me awhile to get up to speed with all that gravity.”

“Yes, I totally understand. Did my time in 3D too, remember? I didn’t get as far as I wanted. that cutting-off-the-ear story got a lot of traction early & I never quite lived it down.”

“Well, look at you now, O Wielder of the Pen!” (I figure I can always rely on that ‘can’t take a joke?’ defense here. But still, I should be wary after all this experience with so few backers.) I totally envy the gold pen & the huge glowing Book he’s writing in. All’s I got was that little computer.

I am stoically resigned as I pass under the Pearly Arch & head for the comfy chairs. My team comes in for high fives & congratulations. Someone’s carrying coffee: I can smell it from here. Everyone talks at once & then we all just start to laugh.

Ready!